This fall has been fraught with challenge, causing me to stop and consider all that I hold dear, and to reflect upon the beliefs and expectations that I cling to and that create the suffering of disappointment. As I do I find myself questioning the very fabric of my life and the choices that I make in service to this entity I call “me”. More and more I find myself experiencing a “disconnect” from the values that society instils and I question what is really true? What resonates at my core? Where might my bliss reside? I am on the precipice of something that is unfamiliar and a bit frightening and yet, I know that it is a jumping off point for something that will be self-defining. I can feel the roots of old beliefs being unearthed and as they are, I feel a bit adrift – a bit vulnerable but alive as I attempt to gauge what comes next.
Reflecting on the wisdom of Ram Dass, I consider his observation that “Suffering comes when you try to hold onto continuity” – to things which are no longer the same. As I venture down this path of aging, this rings true and highlights for me the shift in perspective that is beginning to emerge. To say that it is an easy road to walk would be false. It is however, one of necessity if I am to move with consciousness into creating the kind of life that I would like to live in the second half of my life. And so, as I move ever closer to my 50th year, I reflect with deep and thoughtful contemplation on what is true and what is necessary, and I consider what I want my life to look and feel like. And with that, I take one more step down the road of conscious aging.